The Dreaming Tree
by Spring Lotus
Summary: Under unexplained circumstances, Watanuki's existence is suddenly erased from the world, leaving only the "Yume no Ki" behind: a place existing only in dreams where those who loved him can have their questions answered. Post Rou, songstory.
1. The Dreaming Tree: Prologue

For those who don't recognize the title, it's The Dreaming Tree by Dave Matthew's Band.

A/N: I'm trying something a little different here. While this is a songfic in some ways, it's going to be a series of chapters based on one song, simply because the song for these purposes creates a very complex story. It will change times within the xxxHolic timeframe and points of view. It may be confusing, but that is my intention. It is meant to occur sometime after Rou. This is just the beginning. Please tell me what you think!

The Dreaming Tree: Prologue

Blackness. It's all there was. Some dark suspension between the worlds – the only thing he was sure of. A place he had only seen once before. Something held him, he didn't know what, and constrained him there in the darkness. He remembered now, of his own confusion the first time he'd seen this, but from the other side…which could only mean one thing. As soon as he realized, as if on cue, whatever it was suddenly wrapped itself tightly around his chest, constricting around the already doomed being, as if to squeeze life from it all the faster.

"No…NO! It's too soon! Why?..." He gasped for air. Sweat poured down his brow about his thin frames mingling with the tears of pain, frustration, and confusion of what was happening. He had worked to become the best representation of the magical shopkeeper, sacrificing freedom, life, love, and friendship in the process…and for everything to come to this…NO! It was unacceptable! But it was undeniable - his slowly disintegrating existence was disappearing every second. He racked his brain in his blind rage, fighting against the hopelessness and despair that fought with what was left of his consciousness…

"Why did things have to be this way?" He thought furiously in his mind. Why, when his intentions had been so pure, when he had given absolutely everything he had worth bargaining for to achieve this power to help others unselfishly…everything.

His freedom. Ever since the last Witch of Time and Space left this position for him, he had taken the responsibility upon his shoulders, simply because he had wanted answers. Answers to why Yuuko knew the things she did. Answers to why she had disappeared so suddenly. And more importantly, answers about her in general, and why he had ended up loving her so much. After all, if the last hadn't been true he wouldn't be here in this predicament now, would he. And as for the second, well, he had his answer now.

His life. He had become immortal when he became the shopkeeper, yet the same contract held him within the shop, and he was unable ever to leave. While it had seemed a small token to keep Yuuko's memory alive, in his later years he had grown to regret this. It only became apparent to him when he returned from his dreams where he had the freedom to go wherever he wished. Waking was always a harsh reality.

His love. For long years he loved Himawari, fawning over her every adorable detail, being grateful always simply to be around her…like her namesake, always brightening the room with her lovely smile. His admiration had been true and always he had cared deeply for her, even if he had made a spectacle of himself.

But even that was doomed to fail. Whether she had felt the same love he had or not, when he assumed the position they could never see each other, except for on his birthday – and all hope was lost.

Even so, there was someone who had never left his side. Someone who had a wish, but would never say much more than "what's for dinner tonight?" Like oil and water, fire and ice, cats and dogs…you name it. The comparisons held. But no matter how much they got on each other's nerves, he would never stop protecting him. And only in his later years when his fire for Himawari had died down (along with his immaturity) had he begun to realize why. It had taken him so long to realize it, but with other's help he was finally able to see. And realized the feelings he kept within himself

…and how he felt remorse now, now of all times in the world! And regret, that in his pride and arrogance that he had never allowed himself..t...to…the thoughts would barely come anymore, his mind was too full of everything, and the pain of constricted feelings, or was that the darkness… overwhelming him, everything felt heavy, he could feel his power draining with every second…and how he wished, now, with every fiber of his being that it didn't have be this way! He would give everything, anything! For just another chance! He had been young…he had been foolish, right to the end! True to his name…hitsuzen loves a cruel joke, doesn't it, he thought bitterly to himself.

No one was here to save him this time.

There was nothing anyone could do.

The darkness was inside him now, the thickness of the air, the tightness in chest, and with the last drop of power all but gone…

There was nothing.

Now, barely a whisper of an existence…

He had in his last remnants of power and consciousness, one thought. The only thing he could do. Please, hitsuzen, if he could just have this! Something he had wished Yuuko would have done: construct a place for those who had loved her to revisit her memory, something he had only read about in books before…

The Dreaming Tree.


	2. Chapter 1

The crisp morning air felt icy upon his withered cheek. The trees themselves looked lonely and naked, their skeletal frames deserted by dried foliage that had since departed to seek whatever warmth was left in the soil. "Soon they will disintegrate, disappearing into the ground forever," he thought morbidly to himself. The wind blew right through his frail bones, but he made no motion to cover himself in protection.

He sighed, his breath clouding before his face. The walkways were motionless, and the lifeless area left a ghostly yet serene impression. He welcomed the silence. This park held bittersweet memories for him, as the condensation in the air reminded him. So many…the most important of which the day he had saved his life.

Albeit that was no distinguished mark; it happened nearly every day. But this time in particular remained special. It was the day he had learned the most about him at once. His loneliness. His sorrow. His compassion. And his fierce and selfless loyalty. He wouldn't have left even if he knew it would have been the death of him. Or rather, he wouldn't leave because he knew it would be the death of him.

But by Inari, he would never have let it happen even if it meant breaking his heart. He understood immediately, but it was still something he would never agree with. He would have made the same choice a hundred times. He was too sensitive for his own good. That fool.

Even though these memories hurt deep in his heart, he would never let himself stop thinking them. They were all he had left now. After everything…was this it? Hitsuzen? What a cruel joke. To tease himself with those visions while he slept…all of it had been a dream. At first he had been thankful, but then too late he realized how strung he was on his own desires…and when they were gone he was left even more hollow than he was before.

There was nothing anymore…not even the Tree. He strolled slowly as his cold bones ached, each step painful. No, even that too, was gone. He was gone.

_Standing here, the old man said to me, "Long before these crowded streets, here stood my Dreaming Tree." Below it he would sit, for hours at a time. Now progress takes away what forever took to find._


	3. Chapter 2

"I'm back." He said nonchalantly, toting his usual groceries and sake, sliding open the door. He almost starting taking off his shoes, but he noticed something here was not right. The house was oddly quiet. There had been no flurry of activity when he entered, no lights on in the house, and no Maru and Moro. No Mokona. And no Watanuki. A lead weight dropped into his stomach. The silence was eerie, a dark miasma surrounding everything.

He didn't have to call out again. He knew something was wrong. Mostly because he knew there was not a one of them that could leave the house, unless something utterly terrible had…no. No, he didn't want to think about it. He followed his first reaction to look for more clues of what might have happened. But when none showed themselves, giving way to a completely neat and orderly yet…empty house, his logic began to give way to panic.

"Watanuki!" He called to nothing. Expecting no answer, he stormed his way through the house looking for any sign of life. "Watanuki!" His calls became increasingly concerned. He racked his brain for anything he may have left uncovered. Any small detail he could have overlooked.

He was visibly distraught. This was so out of character for him. How could he ever have let something like this happen? He was his guardian, for the love of…! He was supposed to protect him, only he'd never considered something like this could ever happen, inside the shop even! He had become so knowledgeable and powerful, and immortal for god's sake, that he had felt safe enough to leave him to his own devices, at least during the day when the most dangerous spirits were asleep. But he always returned to stay by his side during the night hours, whether he appreciated his company or not. He didn't do it for Watanuki anyway. He did it for himself. Just to have the comfort of knowing he was doing all he could for him.

Now he was missing. He didn't know where. How could he have let this happen? How could he have been so careless? And who knew if he was ever coming back? The darkness was suffocating.

He waited there for hours, sitting on the back porch, as if he expected Watanuki to come walking in the door at any time. He waited until dusk, the crickets chirping as if nothing had changed. He waited until midnight, the moon shining happily as if to mock him. He waited until dawn, the sun cheerfully waking from its slumber.

Yet still there was no sign of Watanuki, or the others. His head, heavy with drowsiness and self-deprecation, began to realize the truth. Watanuki truly was never coming back. That was all. He was gone. Gone.

All those years of protecting him from spirits, and from himself…

Gone.

All the time he sacrificed for him…for what?

His carelessness was his undoing.

He'd never forgive himself.

What was there to do now?

What did it matter?

He felt something inside him begin to crack. For the first time in his life, he had failed. And now that Watanuki was gone…what was there for him anymore?

_"Now he's falling hard. He feels the falling dark…."_

Now his head felt heavy, his body felt like lead, his mind felt heavy. Everything…numb. His vision was bleary. Guided by some unknown hand in the early moments of the day, he dragged himself off the porch and into backyard. Was it his delirious state or perhaps a trick of the morning light…? The sakura tree, in bloom…in autumn? But it looked so inviting and cheerful. The sakura petals. Flying, floating in the chilled night air. Ghostly apparitions in themselves…

He wandered without thinking to the tree. Feeling physically and emotionally empty and exhausted, his body shut itself down, and almost immediately he was lost in his own head once again.

But usually dreamless sleep was not his destination.

Sakura petals. Flying, floating in the warm night air. A grassy hill. A warm gentle breeze. And a figure. Clad in a dark blue. He'd know those glasses anywhere.


	4. Chapter 3

They shared a long silence in the balmy summery air among the scent of sakura blossoms. The phenomenon, even though impossible in the real world, gave this dimension, or wherever they were, a sense of timelessness and mysticism. It felt they could stay here in this place for ages, there was no need to rush explanation.

Watanuki turned to look at him. He looked back, at a loss for words, but this hardly mattered. It was how he normally acted, after all. Watanuki smiled a sweet and knowing smile, a slight sadness behind his eyes.

His heart skipped a beat, and his face showed only a moment's shock, but then returned to his normal pokerfaced demeanor. It wasn't that he meant to hide his feelings, but it was just how he was used to carrying himself. Even though, had he allowed himself to, he would have grabbed him in a big bear hug and confided everything. Like THAT would ever happen. But he couldn't deny he was moved by the sight. However, he still couldn't shake the fear in his heart of what seeing him here now might mean.

"Good evening, Doumeki."

"Good evening, Watanuki."

"In case you're wondering, this place is known as a-"

"-Dreaming Tree." He finished. "I remember my grandfather told me of such spells. I also read about them from his books. So, does this mean you won't be…" He didn't want to finish the sentence.

"I'm afraid so. I can't explain it to you yet because I don't understand why myself. But I have all the time in the world to try now. Surely I'll be able to figure something out. I just know that it won't be easy…until then I won't have the strength to make the leap into your dimension again."

"I see."

Such a plain answer for such a complicated emotion he felt. The worst part – there was nothing he could do. He was powerless. It was all he could do to keep his heart from breaking.

Why his Watanuki had to face all of these preordained and uncontrollable difficulties he couldn't understand. What had he done in some past life to deserve this fate? No one deserved to be this lonely. Maybe that was why he felt this connection to him, especially during what he now understood were his last years on earth, that he knew he must stay by his side. Hitsuzen or not, he wouldn't have it any other way.

And knowing he alone had this existence to share with him for the rest of his life. And maybe that would be enough.

…_how he longs to be beneath his Dreaming Tree._

This dream continued to happen almost every night. Doumeki made a point of visiting just to give him company, even though conversations were often scarce. Whether it was from his heart or his duty, he always felt compelled to meet him at the tree where they would sit underneath the branches, watching the mesmerizing petals float and dance in the breeze and disappear into the black void in the distance.

He couldn't put his finger on it, but he could tell that Watanuki had changed. Maybe it was the way he was able to sit in silence with him like this. Compared with how he used to be, one could hardly get him to stop complaining, especially when he was around! He had become serene, whereas inside the shop he had always had an air of depression and sadness, even if he had kept a slice of his sarcasm. But now he could sense a lighter presence, free his gloom…he wondered if this too was due to his situation. He was stuck here, the same as he had been there, but the difference was that he had no risk anymore, no improbability – there was nothing more that could happen to him here. And maybe that in itself was liberating…

But all of this was speculation. It was on such a meeting that he finally decided to ask, "What is being here like for you?"

"It's calm and peaceful, and gives me all the time I want to just think. About what was and to gather clues about what will be." It was then he rose from his position to kneel by his side, where he placed a hand on his shoulder. "I understand why you keep coming here. You and I both know the power of the Dreaming Tree."

As he heard this, he felt something flutter deep inside of him while his skin froze. So this is what he had meant when he asked him that question the first time.

His heart pounded uncontrollably in his chest and his breathing almost became shallow as he looked into his eyes and said, "There's no need to worry about me anymore," with which he gently placed his lips on his. The electric shock swept through both of them simultaneously, and he grabbed Watanuki's shoulders instinctively and held him there. When his constricting heart became too much for him, after seconds that felt like hours, he broke the kiss. After closing his eyes and catching his breath, he took Watanuki's face in his hands. He gently removed his glasses, and kissed him harder and fuller than before.

The warrior in his heart that showed his devotion and courage when protecting him from spirits showed the same caliber of unbridled passion for him now. He could no longer think, and his hands guided themselves about his kimono. Laying him down beneath the Tree, he could hardly believe the sounds Watanuki was making were for him and him alone. The fire in his heart consumed him and he knew he was addicted.

He'd return as long as he was alive, that was for sure.


	5. Chapter 4

"_Conquered fear to climb, a moment froze in time, when the girl who first he kissed promised him she'd be his."_

"Tsuyuri."

"Yes, Doumeki?"

"There's something you need to hear."

"Is everything alright?"

"Everything is fine for me, but it's about Watanuki. He's…gone."

"Gone? How is that possible, and why? We know it's not possible for him to leave!"

"That's what I'm afraid of. I don't know what's wrong, and I don't know how to find him. Something strange is going on here."

"Oh, Doumeki! Please be careful!"

"I will. I…don't know when I'll be back."

"I understand."

"I'll explain later. Goodbye."

She knew Watanuki was precious not only to her, but to him as well. She knew he'd take something like this very hard, after all he had spent so much time with him, protecting him from all that she couldn't. For that she was not jealous, but actually she admired him for it.

What would not rest easy with her was the fact that he shared a closer connection to Watanuki than she ever could. It was their hitsuzen, after all…but that only made her feel worse; she hated herself for being jealous of something no one had any control over. It was stupid, but it lived in the very depths of her heart and she kept it locked away as best she could. She was his friend, first and foremost, and she admired his devotion and strong will, and she wished him nothing but the best.

And after so long, that admiration and respect she felt had slowly, ever so slowly, turned itself into the first buddings of love. He was the one person who could identify with her on a deep level of her feelings for Watanuki. He could understand all what the three of them been through. Doumeki understood Watanuki better than anyone, put his everything on the line for him, and was there through everything, the mysterious, the threatening, and even the teasing jests. Even everything about the girl Watanuki had loved for so long and her feelings about him. Everything. He took it all in stride, never asking for help, always so strong.

For that, she'd do anything to help him. While she loved Watanuki, she was finding more room in her heart for Doumeki too, although in a slightly different way. They were so different after all. But as long as they were married, she'd direct her energy to Doumeki, to making his life better. It was something she could do, and it was better for her to concentrate on something she could reach than something she couldn't. In fact, ever since they had been living together, she'd taken extra care of the house, arranged his clothes each morning before he went to teach at the University, and prepared his breakfast and lunch to take with him each day. But she knew better than to try and prepare dinner for him. As of yet they had never shared that meal together, and usually she visited the old witch in the neighborhood at these times, and she never expected this to change.

When Doumeki never returned that night, she went to check on him at the old shop where she suspected he might be. She could not enter the shop – but she did notice a new tree in the usually empty lot. Albeit it was no normal tree – a supernatural aura surrounded it, something that without her psychic abilities she believed she would not have been able to see. And she got closer, she could see that there, under that tree, lay Doumeki, asleep.

She remembered being torn. She knew his dedication to seeing Watanuki home was immense. He'd stay there for days on end if it meant Watanuki was safe. But she wondered how long it would be until he got what he waited for, if it ever happened. What if he really was gone forever?

As the days went by and Watanuki continued to be missing, she watched his sanity wear away every night he returned from waiting for Watanuki. He was missing workdays, remaining haggard in appearance, and missing even more meals than usual. He still refused her suppers. And most of all, he spent a lot of time sleeping. And she genuinely worried for his health. She couldn't stand seeing him like this, but she couldn't bring herself to tell him to stop.

She began to lose all the reasoning she had built up in her head. The realization slowly began to sink in, that she'd never see Watanuki again. She began to worry about both herself and Doumeki, and decided once and for all that Doumeki was her future and there was nothing that could change that.

She'd make herself fall in love with him, no matter the cost. And she'd make him love her. It was the best thing for both of them to move on together.


	6. Chapter 5

"Doumeki…hey, Doumeki." She whispered softly, smoothing the strands of his hair out of his face. "Doumeki, it's time to wake up. You've got to get to the college to teach your class now, okay?"

Only this time, he didn't stir. She tried once more. "Doumeki?" She curled up next to him in bed and brought her face a little closer to his. Slightly alarmed, she brought her hand up to underneath his nose. He was breathing to be sure, and he had a regular sleeping pulse…but he didn't move. She brought two hands to his shoulders to try and shake him awake, when suddenly he sprang up from his sleeping position, and in a flurry of motion, seized her and pinned her underneath him while forcefully crushing her mouth against his.

"Dou-Doumeki! WHAT ARE YOU DO-UGHPH" was all she managed to say as she instinctively resisted and struggled against this uncharacteristic display. But almost as soon as it had begun, he was already lifting himself off of her and kicking off the sheets as though nothing had just happened. "Doumeki…?" She called softly as she rubbed her aching mouth in confusion. She got no response, but she didn't need one. She already understood, in the way only she could.

When she ran into the kitchen after him, she found he wasn't there. She saw the screen door swinging and sighed to herself. This had to stop, whatever it was. It wasn't healthy.

He opened the door to Watanuki's old room. Everything was neat and clean as it had been that day. He didn't really expect anything different. He wasn't sure why he kept coming back to this place. He knew he wasn't doing any one any good, and that Watanuki could never return. He couldn't accept it though – he wouldn't! It was HIS goddamn duty to protect him, HIS goddamned responsibility, the one thing he was meant to do in his life, and he failed. Failed! One careless day when he thought he had everything figured out, that Watanuki could never be harmed by any earthly being ever again now that he had gained immortality…how wrong he was! Wrong, so wrong! And there was nothing he could do about it anymore. Nothing at all. Except wait. To hope against hope that somehow Watanuki would make it back to the world of the living one day.

He met Watanuki every night in his dreams, though he now began to doubt the authenticity of those dreams. The Dream-Watanuki assured him that everything was fine there, but could he really believe him? He had seemed so real the first few weeks they had met. But how could that Watanuki be satisfied to stay in the Dreaming Tree world? Would he ever figure out a way to return? Was it even possible? And how did he know he wasn't fabricating the whole thing himself, that Dream-Watanuki wasn't just a fabrication of his subconscious desire to appease the torrent of guilt he felt? He just didn't know anymore. But for even a chance that it could be, for a moment, for a fraction of a second, real…he'd wait the rest of his life if he had to.

Overwhelmed by his feelings and fresh pangs of heart-broken guilt, he crawled into Watanuki's old bed and drew the curtains. He buried his face deep into his pillow, searching for a trace of his scent that had all but disappeared. A trace that he had really been here at one point in time. And he felt himself disappear as sleep overtook him once again…

_The pink sakura petals that shone white in the twilight continued to litter the hilltop and fall gently upon a figure that knelt directly underneath it in perfect seiza. His pale skin shone with the same shimmer as the moonlight that fell between the leaves of the tree. And as he lifted his eyes off the ground, they shone with the brilliant blue and gold – his gold- behind his delicate glasses. _

That familiar wave of relief washed over him at the sight. But at once, he felt something new at the same time – he couldn't name it. Worry? Guilt? Panic? – as he remembered that what he was seeing wasn't the truth. So while he almost reached out to what he had thought was Watanuki, he stopped right where he stood. Watanuki stood at once, still graceful, elegant, and serene as ever, with the same hint of a soft smile on his lips. Just as he was about to open his mouth, everything in Doumeki's vision suddenly dimmed, as if someone had pressed a switch to change the brightness in the room. But this was impossible - they were outside. And objects themselves just don't dim. As soon as it happened, though, it had returned to normal. He doubted if it had even happened at all. To ask about it would seem odd, wouldn't it? The occurrence did shock him back into the reality of his dream though, and he continued walking toward Watanuki. He reached for his hand, and pulled him to himself as if to assure his wholeness, as if he had been expecting him to have suddenly turned into a hologram or something. Watanuki didn't resist his touch though, and allowed himself to be held there against his chest.

When he could stand it no more, he turned Watanuki's face up to meet his. He kissed him hungrily, but Watanuki didn't seem to mind. His feverish kisses lingered about the pale flesh of his neck, and slowly made their way around his shoulders. Watanuki closed his eyes and moaned softly into Doumeki's ear. Doumeki , now driven to near madness, knelt on the ground and dragged Watanuki down with him. He laid him on floor, pinned his arms down, and continued kissing down his thin chest. Just as a louder set of moans were about to escape his lips, the world went black. As if he had suddenly closed his eyes. But he knew he hadn't – his eyes were fully open as far as he could tell. He knew he wasn't imagining it – he could tell the ground was still underneath him, he wasn't falling, but the place was noiseless, senseless, and simply…black. Everything was gone. Where was he? There was no way this was part of a dream. What was happening to him? And where was Watanuki? If he failed him again…

All of a sudden, he was back with Watanuki, returned the exact moment he had left. This time he was completely shaken. He knew that could not have been a mistake. Given away by his sudden freeze and widened eyes, Watanuki sat himself up, kimono draping half-off, as he placed a hand on his shoulder and looked concernedly into Doumeki's eyes. "Everything alright?'

"Watanuki. What was that just now? What's happening here?"

"Doumeki…" His face suddenly loses its calm demeanor. "So you saw it too. I was hoping I had been imagining it."

"Imagining it? What do you mean?"

His face turns into a grimace as if the thought itself was causing him pain."The blackness. I knew this might happen one day. But I didn't think it would happen this soon!" He fights back tears.

"Watanuki…what are you talking about?"

"Doumeki, I'm afraid my time here is limited. I can't sustain this much longer. Whatever power I had is almost gone…and now…now…" The tears begin to fall and Doumeki is alarmed at both what he is hearing and seeing. "Almost gone? Watanuki!"

Another blackout. This time longer than the last. Followed by a few flickers of the scenery as he returns.

"It was…going to happen…sooner or later!" He chokes through his sobs. "Doumeki…" He almost collapses into a sobbing fit as he clutches his fists. Doumeki takes him fiercely in his arms again as if to keep him there with him in case another blackout came. What could he do? Please, anyone, gods, tell him what he can do, right here, right now! He'd do anything. Anything! Just please don't take his Watanuki from him! Not again! Please, not again! He could never live with himself after this! Tears form in his eyes as he realizes the inevitable. No! There was no way he could lose Watanuki again! If he couldn't save Watanuki, please just let him disappear with him! That's all he could hope for. All this went through his head but all he could say was "Watanuki…Watanuki!" and clutch him tighter. Watanuki suddenly looks up into his face and cries, "Doumeki…please! S-save…me!"

And with that, everything disappears.

"_The Dreaming Tree has died. The air is growing thin, there is no place to hide. The Dreaming Tree has died."_


	7. Chapter 6

_From the start, she knew she had it made easy up 'till then_

_For sure she'd make the grade_

_Adorers came in hordes to lay down in her wake_

_Gave it all she had, but treasures slowly faded_

The lights fade to black on stage, and the darkness envelops her vision suddenly as if coated with a layer of ink. The residual heat from the lamps slowly begins to cool, and the familiar scuffle of cameramen packing up their equipment for the day meets her ears. The host in the middle of the stage puts down her microphone, walks over to her, and makes a motion to pat her on the shoulder until she remembers her mistake, to which she immediately corrects herself with a small wave instead. She begins congratulating her on yet another brilliant performance. "How you do it, we will never understand. Keep on amazing us, Kohane! We look forward to having you again soon!" She says cheerfully. A few security guards wait at the doors, who escort her into the studio limousine. The guards have to shove past crowds of cheering fans, holding posters, asking her autographs and flashing cameras. They manage to squeeze her into the car where her mother waits, tallying personal accounts. A typical day in the life of Tsuyuri Kohane.

The limousine starts and she sits back, listening to her mother complain about how much they were getting cheated out of their contract or something like that, and she tries her best to calmly understand her mother's concerns. Today her mother seems more upset than usual though, and she keeps raising her voice, as if yelling at her would change anything about the problem at all. But she keeps on all the same, cursing everyone she can think of. She can tell even the driver is getting antsy. At least, his driving seems to say so. He's making sharper turns than usual, jerking the car at odd angles and speeding down tiny streets she'd never seen before. After a while the streets look less and less familiar and she's very sure she's not going the right way home. The sky outside starts turning to a deep and unnatural charcoal, as if a torrential downpour would start any minute. But the driver keeps speeding and jerking, and her mother keeps yelling. All she wants to do is get out of the car. Unnatural shapes begin forming in the fog, and she becomes very uneasy. She warns the driver to pull over, but he just won't listen. His eyes are trained on the road, as if nothing else exists. She starts screaming at the driver to listen to her, her mother screams that she's not listening, and everything is suddenly in chaos as the car spins wildly out of control and she closes her eyes.

_Now she's falling hard__, f__eels the fall of dark__  
>How did this fall apart<em>_, s__he drinks to fill it up__  
>A smile of sweetest flowers<em>_ w__ilted so and soured__  
>Black tears stain the cheeks<em>_that once were so admired_

She woke with a start, nearly tipping over her empty wine glass on the table. She groggily brushed her wavy blonde hair from her eyes, and sighed. Another nightmare. He'd been gone for a few days now, with no word from anyone. She knew the forces surrounding them were beyond the abilities of the city police…but somehow she felt she had to try. In her heart she had a sick feeling she knew what had happened and she didn't want to believe it.

More than anything, she worried about why he hadn't contacted her. She hoped he hadn't done anything drastic and thoughtless with his life. Or that someone else had. This was the least stable she had ever seen him. He hadn't been drunk, or under any substance abuse; but his turmoil was solely emotional and that's what frightened her the most. But as the days went by, the police had nothing to report. No bodies, no suspicious activities, no potential suspects. He was simply missing.

She hadn't meant to fall asleep, but she had been half-watching the evening news just to make sure she was right. She thought if Doumeki didn't show up there it just further confirmed her idea of where he was. Where no one could reach. So far, there had been nothing. But then she never really expected anything. He was gone. She knew he was gone. She poured herself another glass of wine. Hell, why not the whole bottle. Everything fell apart eventually. And there was no one left who cared what happened to her anyway.

_She thinks when she was small, there on her father's knee_

_How he had promised her "you'll always be my baby"_

_Daddy, come quick_

_The Dreaming Tree has died_

_I can't find my way home_

_There is no place to hide_

She was just about to down another glass when she heard a scratching at the door. Followed by a turning of the key, and a popping of the lock. The door creaked slightly on its hinges, and hesitated for a moment, when a man entered through the doorway. His hair was unkempt, beard unshaven, and his eyes were downcast and devoid of light. Still wearing the same clothes he left in. The silence was deafening.


	8. Chapter 7

She could only stare in disbelief in the first few seconds. She noticed his eyes registering her current state. When she remembered herself, she stood from the table and threw her arms around his shoulders. "Doumeki! Where have you been? I've been so worried about you…" she said as she buried her face into his neck. Normally he might have at least held her for a moment, but…this time there was nothing. Barely an acknowledgement of her presence. When he didn't respond either verbally or physically, she knew something was very wrong. An unconscious pang of jealousy shot through her stomach and she gripped him harder, as if she was trying to physically squeeze the words from him. "Where did you go, what happened to you, why won't you tell me?" She tried to send the thoughts through to him. "I know you can feel me, yet you still choose to ignore me…is that what we're left with now?" The silence was thick and each second cut further into that wound, shaking her mentally and physically until the silence was entirely too much.

After what seemed like an eternity, she finally let go of him. She tried to search his eyes for a clue, pushing her face close to his and peering into his eyes. But what she saw there was nothing but clouded pain and foggy misery. She felt frustration well up inside of her, threatening to burst from her chest. She didn't want to be angry, but she had worried for him so much, and now he would say nothing! Didn't they mean more to each other than that? She got it! She knew she could never compare to Watanuki! But she had never tried to replace him! She had only wanted to become someone else by his side, someone he could trust and confide in, at least a close friend! Was that so much to ask? So why was she being treated like this now? It wasn't fair, no matter what it was. He could at least say something! She stepped away from him and couldn't meet his gaze. She knew the truth even before she spoke.

"…How could you? How could you just…leave like that and never say anything to me at all! I was worried sick you know! I didn't know what had happened to you, you could have been dead! What was I supposed to think! I was so scared…" She felt her throat tighten and she choked back the tears that threatened to spill.

These words brought some recognition back in his eyes, but he made no move to comfort her.

"I…I know you see him. I know you meet him at night. Even though you're asleep…I can see it."

Doumeki blinked and said nothing.

"I know I can't compare to him, and I never hope to. I just…I just wanted to know I meant something, anything at all to you!" Her fists clenched in anger. "I thought we were close enough that…that you could even tell me about these important things!" The tears began to stream down her face, out of her control. She sounded almost hysterical as she cried "Doumeki, I've always known you've been in love with him. When we make love, I know it's him you're thinking about! Why don't you love me, even a little?"

With these words he felt something break inside.

He let the words sink in as he knew she was right. The anger in his words came mostly of the frustration he felt with himself, but

"Oh, have you no pity? This thing I do, I do not deny it…" His lips curved into a grimace that indicated the churning emotions just under the surface. " I do not deny," He began again, "I know in my mind…I would leave you now." He felt the chill through his spine and the lead weight in his stomach as he knew he spoke the horrible truth, but hear it she must. "If I had the strength to, I would leave you up to your own devices," he hissed.

"But Doumeki, I-"

"Will you not talk!" He fired, but immediately adjusting his temper afterwards, continued softly with a pleading look in his eyes. "Can you take pity? I don't ask much." He finished.

With the heartbreak in his voice, she realized that the pain he was feeling now must surely reach far beyond anything she had ever known. Immediately she regretted her words, regretting in a moment of selfishness that she had only worsened the pain, rather than helped, the way she wanted to…

She felt sick.

The pain was still evident in his eyes as he met her gaze.

"…But won't you speak, please?"


	9. Chapter 8

That night he returned to the Tree.

He hadn't meant to. He thought he'd never see it again. But he was there. He was undeniably there. It was dimmer than ever, but he was able to make out the Tree in the distance.

As soon as he was able to register where he had materialized, he felt a pressure around his chest and found black hair caressing his neck and chin.

"Watanuki…" He acknowledged, a bewildered look on his face, that changed to one of solemn anguish, as if the presence in his arms alone was somehow causing him pain. After a split second, Watanuki unexpectedly pulled away. Holding him at elbow's length, he looked straight into his eyes and declared, "We don't have much time. This is all I can manage to do and it can give it at any moment." His voice trying to hold in hints of his panic at the end. But Doumeki's surprised and fearful look dissolved any resolve he might've had, because it only confirmed for him that Doumeki also had no idea how to fix this. No one knew. He was a fool to hope against hope that maybe, possibly…he might be able to live on here, in this way…with him. He began to shake uncontrollably, and the tears began to fall, his breaths becoming uneven in the sobs that wracked his body. Doumeki could only watch.

"No, no…it was…hopeless from the start, but I…"

Even as he spoke, the atmosphere became as increasingly volatile as his disposition. The winds began to swirl, becoming typhoon-like, tugging at their hair and clothing and roaring in their ears. Doumeki couldn't figure out which caused which.

"I thought that maybe, if it were you…I could…" He choked.

The storm raged. "There's nothing I can do anymore, Doumeki!" He shouted, furious at himself. "Why…why couldn't this have worked? It should have been perfect, and now…now there won't be anything! There's nothing anyone can do!"

"I'm going to disappear." He said, with a quiet shock at what he heard. Doumeki silently pulled him close and held him to his chest, his arms forming a barrier as if to protect him. As if the tighter he held him the more likely he could keep him. That he could stay. Even though he knew it was impossible.

Suddenly the stormed raged harder than ever. Doumeki braced himself against the winds and continued to shelter Watanuki, the debris flying in all directions, leaves and needles that stung upon contact with bare arms and faces. The deafening wind howled indefinitely in their ears. Despite his recent temporary composure, the storm wrought a fresh realization and he sobbed hysterically once more. Doumeki's heart broke a little more with each shake of his shoulders.

"Take me back."

He was sure he heard it.

"Take me back. Take me back!" He repeated, probably this time for himself.

"Take me back…" He whimpered softly one last time.

He pulled away and looked directly into Doumeki's eyes.

"Save me…please…"

Doumeki woke to the sound of chirping birds, in his bed.

Alone.


End file.
